HippoJuice News Archives from March 2010:
Midnight Release of God of War | TV Shows You Should Be Watching - And Not |LOST Rant
3/31/10: WHAT ARE YOU DOING, LOST WRITERS?
Marie "Explosive Amnesia" Sarkisian
OK, seriously LOST writers, what ARE you doing to our show?
For one thing, you lied to us. During the first season, us loyal "Losties" made thousands of guesses about the status of the people on the island, and what the island was. You flat out DENOUNCED that the island was a representation of heaven, hell, or purgatory.
Now, that's pretty much exactly where you're going with it. Jacob is obviously God, The Man In Black is obviously the devil or Satan, and the island is definitely a purgatory where these Lost people get another chance at redemption.
But with that aside, because I can see how you'd want to say no to all our guesses as to not give away anything at the end (even though we all know you just didn't know where it was going), why are you ruining the final season with these soap opera like plot lines?
Last week's episode where you finally gave us Richard's back story was the first GOOD episode of season 7. And I say good, not great. But last night's episode was laughable.
Please tell me why:
- Sun got explosive amnesia where she forgets how to communicate (just to add to the already frustrating running theme of no communication)
- Alternate Sun and Jin have an affair where
- Sun's daddy finds out
- Jin gets held hostage by some very bad men
- Sun get's shot, and just before closing admits "I'm pregnant"
- Sayid no longer "feels anything."
- Jack switched sides and is now a "Man of Destiny" because he saw his old house when there were six prior seasons of mysterious crap that didn't affect his logic.
- Claire worries her baby won't remember her and still picks Kate as Mommy.
- Hurley and Miles can STILL talk to dead people for some reason.
- Richard snaps out of his pity fit to try to save them all.
- Locke declares war on the other island so melodramatically.
- Why you introduced and killed off new Others in 3 episodes.
- Anyone should care about the geophysicist turned mercenary woman. She's awful.
3/23/10: TV Shows You Should Be Watching - And Not
Marie "Tube Addicted" Sarkisian
Here is my top five list of the television shows you should be watching:
- Dexter (Showtime)
This is the best dark comedy on TV. The acting is superb, and the story lines are interesting and intense. This show takes drama to a new level.
- Breaking Bad (AMC)
I just found this show this past weekend, even though it's on season 3 already.
It's just refreshing to see Bryan Cranston go from a goofy dad in Malcolm in the Middle to a meth-dealing nerdy Chemistry teacher.
- Chuck (NBC)
The always lovable Chuck is finally having his dreams come true this season as he is tested as being a true spy. Old characters are learning his secret for the first time this season, and you always have to love Casey, no matter what he's doing.
- Community (NBC)
These next two are still up in the air for which comedy is better in my eyes. I believe Community is a very well rounded show with good plots and messages, plus a very funny cast.
Overall, I might enjoy this show more than the next on the list.
- Modern Family (ABC)
This show might be making me laugh the hardest week to week. It is a strong comedy with very funny actors.
Other comedies could take notes from this show.
Here is my top five list of the television shows you should stop watching if you are currently watching them, or have watched in the past:
- The Simpsons (Fox)
I grew up on The Simpsons. In high school some people thought watching The Simpsons was all I did, since I quoted it so often. However, I think I stopped caring about it 6 years ago. And I saw last week's episode. Not one laugh. Sorry classic Simpsons, I still love you.
- American Idol (Fox)
What can you say about a competition reality show that can't even keep the judges together anymore? No Paula, losing Simon, ELLEN? No thank you.
- Heroes (NBC)
I was a big Heroes fan season one. Season two had some disappointments. By season 3, I gave up. Bring back old Peter, old Sylar, and old Noah and maybe I'll start watching again.
- Scrubs (ABC)
This show should have ended last season. I don't even consider this the same show anymore. It still has it's funny moments, yes, but overall, give me classic Scrubs any day of the week.
- Smallville (CW)
Four words: WHEN. WILL. CLARK. FLY?
What season is this show on now? 9?? Nine years and no flying Superman? Come on now.
Other nods go to:
- 30 Rock - I caught on late, but am LOVING this show.
- Fringe - This is just a strong drama, period. Always a good episode.
- American Dad - This show was not given a fair chance their first season, but it us VERY funny! I feel Family Guy overshadows this show.
- South Park - Another always consistent comedy.
- V - I loved where V was going, and I'm looking forward to it's return.
- FlashForward - I have some catching up to do, but it was a good start.
- Lost- Love it, but this last season is not their strongest.
- The Office - I haven't enjoyed The Office as much this season, but I'm not knocking it out yet.
3/16/10: Midnight Release of God of War
Marie "Cross-Dressing Kratos" Sarkisian
At exactly 12am EST on 3.16, the much anticipated God of War III was released at the Broward Mall Gamestop in Florida. There to greet the eager gamers was Kratos, himself.
How did we do the makeup for Kratos?
- You will need silver metallic body paint, and lots of it. Mix it with some liquid white body paint in a bowl. Use a sponge brush and apply it around the body.
- Get a rubber bald cap and some glue, and apply it to the head.
- Get a fake goatee, and use the same glue to apply it to the chin
- Use a liquid latex or scar material, and draw a line down over the right eye.
- Once all of the features of the head are in place, continue to paint the silver body paint over top of everything.
- At this point, you may want to put the costume on, and then touch up with more silver body paint.
- Finally, use fake blood and red paint to put on the scars and tribal markings. Go over the latex scar on the right eye with the fake blood. Make similar scars on the stomach.
- Use another sponge brush and paint a red swirl over the left eye that cuts around the left side of the back of the head. Do a similar swirl over the left side of the stomach, over the left shoulder, and curving around the back.
- Add any extra red speckle for a finishing effect.
- And you have your Kratos!
Or you could just do what we did, and buy a mask!